Full disclosure: I’ve never seen Rock of Ages live on stage. I have no idea if its sprawling, loosely connected storylines intersect in a more satisfying way when played out before a live, active, participating audience. I don’t know if the theater, rather than the multiplex, represents a more comfortable and better-suited environment in which the particulars of musicals can thrive. So, in short, I don’t really know where primary authorship of Rock of Ages‘ film adaptation lies– it’s with either Chris D’Arienzo or Adam Shankman– but I do know a train wreck when I see one because, as that locomotive cliche dictates, I’m unable to look away. That mesmerizing quality represents…